plz talk dirty to me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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