Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
