don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
