naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You're a waste of cheezeits
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
