haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
