office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
