Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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