i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Damn victory sex feels great
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