its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
