it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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