i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
