I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
