Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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