Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
