I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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