You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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