I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
