So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
