It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
