I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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