I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
