You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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