Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Randomize
