VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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