I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
