Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
false alarm, still single
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
