Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
