Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
