So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
