Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
