Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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