ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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