You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
