His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Randomize
