don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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