Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
