four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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