Only a mothe r could love this liver
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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