i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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