Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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