I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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