Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
