Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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