he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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