I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
