I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
