btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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