i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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