Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
