Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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