What a fucking waste of an outfit
false alarm. still invincible.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
