I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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