just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize