I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
