im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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