I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
