I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
