OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
