I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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