I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
