there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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