Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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