I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
